Showing Up Present And Engaged
As a parent, you are one of your child's safe people. It can be exhausting and exhilarating — sometimes within the same hour. Your task: be consistent as possible in how you show up for your child(ren). You and your child(ren) are teammates and they do best when your responses are expected.
Consistency starts with self-care
What do you do for self-care and refueling? Here are some ideas for how you can care for yourself while you are parenting:
Bubble baths
Hot mama cooking
Naps
Get outside
Candles/diffusers
Drums
Photography
Podcasts-audio books
Dancing
Me time
Gardening
Making tea
What self-care is not — passive recovery or dopamine hits:
Shopping online
Sitting on the couch watching Netflix
Cleaning up
Eating sugar/carbs
Staying up late for "me time," yet having to get up early for baby
Phone apps
When you’re overwhelmed, you can...
Do cross-lateral activities:
Butterfly Hugs
Be a Wave
Twirl
Bird Dog Pose
Do spontaneous movement:
Absolutely anything!!!
Move doing anything
Meet up with friends:
BUT you can't talk ABOUT how exhausted you are. Describe it.
Gratitude and expectations
What are you grateful for today?
As our children grew older, practice at the dinner table. Everything is put into perspective when we can see what is going well.
The good news — whatever your struggles as a parent, they will likely change with developmental changes. It's not going to be forever.
Self-compassion leads to a regulated mom (or dad).
You are doing the best you can. How can you be your greatest fan in order to shift out of anger or overwhelm?
Make it easy and know your limits.
Know when you don't have patience and when you do. Follow through. Don't promise things you can't deliver on. Set yourself up for success by doing activities you enjoy when you're drained.
Sometimes you can't win. You just need to survive until nap time.
Peace in your home starts with you. Make sure you put your "airplane mask" on first before offering it to your children.
When we are exhausted we can express anger we regret. Getting to know your body cues can help you pause before saying things you regret.
Build Awareness. Get to know what happens in your body when you start getting overwhelmed and frustrated.
Tighten hands/grip
Eyebrow furrow
Tight jaw
Racing thoughts
Tightness in chest
Focused eyes — "angry eyes"
Your path to calm
Loosen your hands
Take your tongue off the roof of your mouth
Soften your eyes
Feel your feet on the ground and wiggle your toes
Practice Voo breath (Dr. Peter Levine)
Gentleness may take time. Be kind to yourself.
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