Beyond Conception: Exploring Baby Loss, IVF, and the Emotional Impact of Infertility with guest Anietie (Tia) Ukpe-Wallace
Today we have a very special guest joining us. Please welcome Dr. Anietie Ukpe-Wallace, PT, DPT, also known as Tia.
Tia is an orthopedic and pelvic health physical therapist who specializes in providing a continuum of care and support from pregnancy loss to postpartum all while emphasizing the importance of self-care. Tia has had a life-long fascination with the human body and its inner workings which ultimately led her to path that she is on today. Beginning with a formal introduction to movement in college, she has continued that journey ever since. As a yoga teacher of 8 years around the Bay Area, her practice morphed from one of structure and ego to one of humility and independent thinking. After her own chronic struggles surrounding her pelvic floor and multiple miscarriages she has grown a love for learning and understanding this part of the body that is rarely talked about and sometimes even misunderstood. She is currently a Doctor of Physical Therapy in Oakland, CA, where she offers both telehealth and concierge/in-home therapy services through her practice, Self-Care Physio. In addition, she is the curator of Tending to Your Womb Retreats and is an amateur pole and Lyra artist. She is a wife, mother to her 8 year old daughter and a cat mom.
In today's episode, Tia shares her personal journey with baby loss and infertility and the work she does supporting individuals who have had similar journeys. We'll delve into topics such as manual therapy, emotional and psychological factors that impact fertility, and the importance of finding resilience after loss. Tia's story is a testament to the power of community support and the need to honor and sit with our grief.
In this episode, you'll discover:
The importance of holistic care: Tia emphasizes the need for a comprehensive approach to addressing fertility issues and pregnancy loss, considering physical, emotional, and psychological factors. This includes manual therapy, abdominal work, and pelvic floor muscle treatment, which can help release tension and support overall well-being.
The power of community and support: Tia highlights the significance of finding a supportive community when experiencing grief and loss, especially in the context of pregnancy loss. Sharing experiences, seeking understanding, and being heard can greatly aid in the healing process and provide much-needed support during challenging times.
Resilience through self-care and finding joy: Tia emphasizes the importance of self-care and finding moments of joy while navigating grief and loss. This includes rituals and ceremonies as well as exploring practices like yoga and meditation. By acknowledging and honoring their experiences, individuals can cultivate resilience and growth, even in the face of adversity.
So, let's dive in and explore the world of fertility, loss, and reclaiming hope! Stay tuned for an insightful and heartfelt conversation.
If you would like to learn more about Tia, you can find her here:
Instagram: @selfcarephysio
This episode is sponsored by Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing, which is a resource for those suffering the loss of a baby during pregnancy.
If interested in receiving my newsletter, A Moment of Pause, you can sign up here.
Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional. This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.
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Transcript:
This transcript has been produced using A.I. and therefore imperfect. Please excuse any errors. There are two speakers - Dr. Kimber and Aneti (Tia) Uba Wallace
I am so grateful to have you here. We are excited to present to you for Pregnancy and Baby Loss Month, a story of navigating loss and I really am excited for you to hear from Tia as she dives into her story and being a supporter of women who are going through loss. So I present to you Tia Ukpe Wallace.
Well, thank you so much Kimber. So, yes, my name is, my name is Aneti Uba Wallace, but I also go by Tia as well, too. umalso known as Dr. Tia. And I am a pelvic healthum physical therapist, and I'm based out in the Bay Area, so I'm in Oakland, California. I own my practice which is called self care physio, and I've been doing that for a little bit over two yearsum so it's just been really great andum working withum moms, pregnancy, postpartum, those dealing with, like, pelvic pain, any type of, pelvicum floor issues, and, just like you mentioned, I definitely also work with a lot of women, who are navigatingum around pregnancy loss.
I also work withum those who are dealing with infertility I offerum some manual therapy treatment for those who are going through infertility orum if they're getting ready to go through an IVF cycle or if they've been trying to conceive naturally but, are still continuing to struggle and they don't want to go the IVF route and they just want to kind of go more of the natural or like conservative approach.
And then at least being able to address, what is going on in their body. That might be preventing or limiting thatum but obviously when we go into the physical we also have to go into so much more, like, the emotional andum the psychological, and so I'm not a mental health therapist, but also when they're on the table and I'm working with them, we're also talking about, some of their emotions or some of the trauma that they've gone through, or even the blockages and things that might be, limitingum being able to conceive,
umit's a privilege to be able to get to do a lot of this workum and it's been really helpfulum for me, and it's a lot of the stuff that I didn't receiveum you know, when I wasum pregnant myselfum with my daughter, or even when I went through my losses. So, the stuff that I wish that I had is, like, what I'm offering to the patients that I treat, which is really, really great to be able to offer that.
Yeah, it's such a gift that you're offering and wow, you opened your practice still in the midst of COVID it sounds . So that just feels like such a divine calling to have the courage to do that. And I'm so grateful that you are able to work with the physical and the mental as it shows up in our body because it's so often does.
And. Whatever feels comfortable. If you would want to share anything about your own losses.
Yeah, absolutely. So I do have a daughter. Before that I was pregnant. Now it will be almost 11 years, sinceum I lost my son. I was in my late 20sum got pregnant easily, within a month of trying.
So I was really thankful for that. Pregnancy was going smoothlyum but previous to the pregnancy, I was diagnosed with fibroids, uterine fibroids. umthey were super, super small. I was told that they wouldn't be an issueum or wouldn't cause any complications with my pregnancy. And then when I got into my second trimesterum I noticed how my belly was misshapen.
Which I thought was weird and I didn't know what that was. umI started having some painum that would kind of come and go. I didn't understand what that was. umthey said it was because of the fibroids, they were starting to get bigger. Then I ended up going on vacation, while I was on vacation, I was having a lot of pain, ended up coming back that evening. I'm just feeling really terrible. umwent to sleep, around two or three o'clock in the morning. My water brokeum went to the hospitalum and then was told thatum my baby's heart had stopped beating. It was just very, very traumatic, you knowum not even this is my first pregnancy. I'm in my twenties, not having really a lot of experience. Even when I was on vacation, I was having contractions and I didn't even know that. So it was definitely like preterm labor that was occurringum not even really understanding my water breaking and thinking I'm going into labor, you know, and that also can mean that I'm losing my child as well too.
I was at 20 weeks when that occurred. And it was, it was very, very traumatic. I was also young and I didn't have the tools that I have nowum to be able to navigate a lot of the grief that I experienced. I, I ended upum you know, at the hospital, ended up having to deliver him.
I wasn't ready for that, I was not expecting to experience that until my due date.
So all of it was just extremely traumatic. It was just, it was just reallyum gut wrenching for me to witness.
It's so hard, right, when we're not prepared for me, it was my second child who died atum 34 weeks and that gave me a bit of mindset, but you're not prepared. I really feel like in the medical field, we've got to do a better job of educating women. Here's the steps of what's going to go.
Totally. Yeah, yeah, there's definitely more of a focus on like, you know, especially if it's a live child, and makes its way to the other side But nothing if it's a stillbirth? What if you know, it's an early loss and what to experience and what's gonna go happen in your body especially if it's your first pregnancy, so Yeah, it was just really really tough while I was pregnant, I had decided that I wanted to go back to schoolum to become a PTum which, like, so I had to do some prerequisites, so I was it was January, and I had signed up for like anatomy and physiology classes.
And so I rememberum I had the weekend, just to kind of be in bed andum I had already missed like one week of class and I remember this moment, like just like I could either stay in bed and I can just allow myself to sink into a deep depression or I can like get up and go to class and I got up and went to class.
You knowum and I'm glad I did. Unfortunately it was triggering because it was anatomy and physiology and that week they were starting to go over reproductive stuff. No! No! I and I was sitting in the back and I just was starting to cry because it was just so fresh. It was so fresh for me.
It was so fresh.
Andum yeah, and You know, looking back on it, you know, it has been 11 years. umI don't think I would be on the path I'm at right now if it wasn't for the loss. Like, I prefer to have my, my son, like, more than anything. But also, I don't think I would be where I'm at right now.
I don't think I would be servicing the patients that I service right now. I don't think I would have learned as much as I did about myself, about grief, about resiliency. If it didn't happen, and it's not to say that, like, you should always, like, see the silver lining or see the positive, butum I, I think that's so much with grief, you know, that there, there is, like, there, there has to be a balance that can't just be, just to be in the drudgery of grief, but also, like, where can I find moments of joy?
I can still think about when I was pregnant with him and there can still be a smile on my face and just to remember I had a son, just for a little bit, I feel I've grown so much, you know, cause that wasn't the case like 11 years ago. I was, I was mad. I was mad with the world. I was mad with myself. umyeah, everything was just terrible. So, and isn't that such a part of, at least I experienced this too, of that there is a sense of it's our fault.
Even though that's a lie, right? That's a total lie, but there is this sense of kind of being mad at ourselves. And how did you work through some of the anger and that harshness that was inside of you? Yeahum I mean I, during that time, I was also teaching yoga. So coming from a little bit of, yoga philosophy, background.
And I feel like that really helped, so having already had that, you know, been ingrainedum with at least the yogic philosophyum of not putting the blame on myself, of, which is hard, you know, it's hard not to, but, , alsoum A lot around, like, Buddhist philosophy as well, too, about suffering and about permanence, thatum nothing is permanent.
So, whether it's even my emotions, like this is, it's just the state that I'm at that moment, but it's not, it's not a place I need to be at, I think, being able to go back into my practice, to be able to sit with myself. umbut I'm not saying that that came easily because that definitely wasn't the case, like, within the first, , two or three years, that took timeum because that first year I was avoidant, you know, I was like type A, like, Okay, now I'm in school.
Let me like, just move forward. Let me not think about it. umyou know, I definitely would have moments where I would just break down and cry. But, you know, for me, it was like, I didn't want to address it. I didn't want to focus on it. Ium ended up having, like, another loss, you know, within that year, you know, as well.
I'm so sorry. umyeah, thank you. umbut they ended up having surgeryum , and then was able to, have my daughter, which is great. Then I've had, even in the last, like, two years, I've had two more losses, so, now I'm dealing with, secondary infertility right now.
Soum yeah, so, it's always, like, it's a continuation, it's a, you know. It is a continuation. Yes, it is, you know, and so that, then, can always be, like, really re triggering, and also can bring up a lot of blames, like, Why did I wait so long? You know, I decided to go to PT school. I decided I wanted to like start with my practice, you know, I waited my daughter's going to be almost nine.
I've waited like eight, nine years to like have another one is like, and yeah, there could be a lot of blame. Like, why did I wait so long? I, why did I, you know, decide to like put, you know, more attention or focus on my career or going back to school when I could have just like had another one because I didn't know.
I didn't know, you knowum yeah. So. And isn't our mind tricky that way where it kind of sets us up as if it would know that you could have done it right away, right? It's definitely our mind can be so tricky to think, Oh, it, it would have happened so easily if I would have done it right away. Oh yeah, definitely.
Yeah. There's a huge part that like feels that way. Yes. Yeah. Well, as you navigate just the secondary infertility and the ongoing grief, what do you keep coming back to in terms of what helps you navigate the uncertainty, the loss that keeps you present also with your nine year old and your, your thriving practice.
Yeah. umI mean it seems simple, but like, just letting go. That's the biggest thing. um'cause even afterum the loss that I had in like 2021 and, last year which is that then that then that like kind of process of grief is just very different because I rememberum you know, after the one in 2021um and she, my daughter came with me to the appointment, and she was excited, 'cause she knew yes.
And she was in the room when they told me that, the baby's heart was not beating and she was present and she saw me just cry but then I had to go and take her cause she was applying for schools and then I had to go, like, I still had to be a mom. I still had to be present for her, you know, so it was like, I didn't have that moment or time to really grieve, but we were in the car, and I had that time just to be able to at least cry.
And to have her cry with me, , as well too. I mean, like, she was like six or seven. So, like, for her, like, it's just, like, what is grief? Like, what is, understanding, like, a loss of, but also, like, of a baby that isn't, like, physically present. It's still inside and still so small, you know? umso I feel like she has so much help to ground me, as well too, to, to be in the present.
And to also feel comfortable and free to be able to go and talk about it as well too. I think that's so powerful, at least because my daughter wasum four when her brother died and just, she was so grieved. As well, but you know, as children, right, they go in and out grief very differently.
It's like feeling sad and then, hey, let's go on the playground. And it just sounds so beautiful that you were able to create space in order for her to grieve along with you, but also recognizing her process of grief is very different as a child. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah.
Just even as I'm, you know, continuing to go through,, the conception struggles right now, it's like, yeah, it's just letting go. It's notum ruminating over it, like, day after day after day. Like, it's very easy to do that, especially, like, my period comes and then to go into a deep depression and stuff.
It's like, I, you know, and I don't know, maybe this is just a lot of the work that I've done, but it's like, okay, this is another opportunity. I get to try again next month. I'm gonna do the best that I can in order to ensure like I'm getting enough rest. I'm getting enough sleep I'm eating really well, and I know that the time will come.
I mean, I do a lot of affirmations That is what I do it every morning and that at least it start it starts my day It puts a smile on my face rather than to think about like that this isn't happening and to start in a negative space, so for me it's important for me just to start in A somewhat, grounded and positive space, you know, so for me, it's like it's just having those affirmations and I do and I say like, you know, I can get pregnant.
I will get pregnant like I deserve to be pregnant and I know it will happen. You know, it might not happen like on my terms when I want it like right now, but I know that, you know, it will happen in the future and I'm just trusting in that. So yeah, and it sounds like you're really focusing on those things that you can control.
Yeah. And doing those well at the same time that when your period comes, you're grieving in that moment, and then resetting. But I think that so often, like you said, it's not about finding a silver lining. It's about being able to hold both grief and the possibility and the hope. Yes, absolutely. Yeah.
And I love just like about holding the possibility of both. Becauseum I recently went on a silent retreat, and I think it was so eye opening for me to also acknowledge and also to verbalize, what if I don't get pregnant? What if I don't have another baby? And it felt really, really scary for me to verbalize and to say that, but I think that was important for me to honor that as well, too.
Cause I don't know. umso yeah, it, it, it does need to be both like that. I can like affirm that, yes, I can get pregnant, but also to acknowledge it may not happen, , and to also be okay with that as well too. So, and not just like hanging on the hopes that it will happen, but also be okay. Like it may not happen, , and be comfortable with that now, rather than, you know, five years from now that I'm still struggling to get pregnant and I'm still like mad, that it hasn't happened.
So I think, yeah, definitely acknowledging both is just like so important. Yeah. And it brings tears to my eyes to think of, you know, your son, your first son. We haven't, did you name your first son? I did. His name was Rocco. My husband came up with the name.
Rocco. Yeah. Well, Rocco gave birth inside of you to your career path. He did. And what a beautiful gift that he gave you there. And did you name your next two children that didn't, well, what's your daughter's name? Yeah. She came next. Yeah. umwell, so I hadum my son Rocco and then I had like a early, it was like a seven week loss.
umso I didn't have a name for that one. umand then I have my daughter, Graceum and thenum the one after her was Santos. umand thenum we did have another one last year and we didn't have a name for, for that one. It just was really raw. So we didn'tum have a name, but still a remembering for all of, all of them.
And are there any rituals that you do? You may not, but are there ways that you bring these children who have belonged to you, but aren't all physically present? Yeah. I mean, no one really taught me, like, how to, to honor them. You know, I didn't haveum like a burial. I didn't have, like, a big ceremony, especially after a rocco.
umand, yeah, like, my, my parents never really, like, Hey, let's, , do something. So, I think it was, like, two years ago. I knew that the day was coming up. So I just had, a bunch of flowers. I had a candle. I just had me and my husband just kind of, be around the candle and just to remember so for me like that, like just something smallum I don't need to have it be a big ceremony.
I feel likeum things that I've done in the pastum was I have like a keepsake box that the hospital gave me for Rocco. And so that was something that I did, , pretty regularly was just, open it up and, look at the pictures, , of his feetum of his face. umI have like a little locket that they gave me as well toum and so that was a little something that I did for myself, that just kind of helped to keep him close, , to me and for me to continue to remember him.
umbut then as the years have gone by and then with the most recent losses, you know, I've kept the, the rituals like just, you know, smallum but yeah, but I feel like, , just even being able to say their names, , or just even to be able to remember the instance of, when I was pregnant with them and when I had that loss, then that, that's a ritual in itself that I can still be able to do every day.
umand I think it's so importantum you know, just to be able to still honor and to remember, remember them. Yes. And I love how you give yourself permission to honor their lives as you would want, right? Like in this, in this. I don't know that sounds too commercial, but just that you, there's no pressure to, to individually, as you have had these significant losses of, of really being able to give yourself permission, how do I want to remember these lives and I'm going to remember them with Rocco and, and I think that that is so important and I hope Tia, that our, , podcasts spreading the word would continue to give women the permission to do a ritual,
it's not talked about. Baby loss is the most under recognized losses for in the world and it's so impactful. It can be so traumatic and they're part of you and your family. My son. Who isn't living with us is deeply impacted our family. Definitely. Do you have any resources that you have used?
I know you said yoga was really helpful. Anything else mind for you? umI mean, there'sum you know, especially as I'm working withum patientsum , who have struggled, with a loss. umAnd I found, there's a, an app called Be Ceremonial, and soum it's a really beautiful app, and so it has curatedum ceremonies or rituals, and so especiallyum you know, I love going through itum just to see, like, what is out there, what is available, for someone to go and do, especially if they've never done a ritual or a ceremony before, and so that app is really nice because it has some, , already kind of curated, you can make your own, And so I will usually recommend that to patients, especially if they've never done something before, just for them to go on that, to explore it, just to see, like, even because there are really simple, beautiful practices that they can do.
So I would say, like, that is one reallyum beautiful thing, , to be able to do. umthe second thing I findum is touch. So, like, after I hadum my loss in 2021. It happened in March. I ended up going to Chicagoum to do a training, surprisingly for infertility stuff. And soum obviously like when you're in like a training, so you're going to get some body work done.
And so that was so impactful for me. Just being fresh from a loss. And having, touch, like body work done on my womb. And I feel like just like in Western society in general, when we go get a massage, like that area is never ever touched. And whenever, you know, that's like part of my, a huge part of my practice is doing abdominal work and doing manual therapy work there.
And so, and then especially after having like had this loss and like this void and this vulnerability that's there. To be able to have some level of touch to that area, I think is so, so important to know that it's being held that it's being cared for. It's not something because like we talked about, like, there's like so much anger.
There's so much blame. Instead, like, let's hold that space it did, you know what it could in order to go and hold that pregnancy. Let's continue to care for it, you know, rather than, have hatred or have like anger towards it. And I think like, you know, some level of body work, that is addressing the womb and the care of the womb and the movement of the womb and keeping it warm and mobile, I think is so important.
So that's something that I do, , in my practice. umI do it on a regular basis as well too, like just like for my own self care. So, I'm always like massaging, my belly, I'm massaging my wombum especially when, you know, during my period, before my period. You know, I'm checking in, you know, with my uterus and noticing, like, how it's feeling, how it's moving, every day, and I think that that's a big disconnection that a lot of folks haveum especially, even if someone has been pregnant the first time, they've never been pregnant, then that's the first attention that, like, other than, period, that they pay attention to that area, and there's, like, What is this?
What does it do? Like, you know, all this other stuff. And like, you know, to be able to find connection now, , all the time, like whether it's through pregnancy, whether it's through postpartum, whether it's through loss, I think is so important. So that's the other big thing that was really helpful for me.
That I continue to do and that I help patients withum it's so beautiful. I know for me, there is this natural kind of you want to stay away from that area, it's like even put here you are when you have your baby growing, you're, you're all over your womb, you're all over and there was this sense of, I don't know, like a black hole for me.
And it was so powerful when I started recognizing I'm avoiding that area and started putting back loving touch. And I'm a somatic experiencing practitioner. So even years later, recognizing some of the healing that needed to be done there. It's so very powerful. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I would say like that, that's another, you know, really important piece, you know, that was important for me.
umand obviously like movement, soum I'm like yoga was really helpful. Especially like after, one of the recent losses, I also just had like so much anger. And so I remember just like, I need to like, I, cause I had rage, you know, that's also another thing.
Yes. Rage. Like just, I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at the world. I'm mad that this didn't work out. And I remember like, I just want to go run. I just wanted to just hit the pavement. I just wanted to run. I wanted to run until like my body hurt. And so I think there are like such beautiful practices, you know, like somatic movements and yoga, but also I think honoring you need to beat something up, you know, you need to like run and just like kind of like feel the, you know, the soreness in your body, like just to feel because that's like a felt sense, like just to even feel that I think is so important, rather than everything being numb, you knowum so I want to honor like whatever, like, I think movements in general is just so important, whether it's like running or like, hitting a punching bag or, you know, rolling around on the ground, you know, or if it's yoga, whatever it is, but And that's what I love about like emotion like it's getting the the feelings in motion It's like movement.
So like it's getting obviously like talking about those emotions It's moving the body and you're helping to move the emotions and so like any form of motion or movement I think is just so important. So Whatever it is that, you knowum the person needs because I think like, yeah, it's also important to honor your anger.
It's important to honor like the rage that you're feeling as well, too. So yes. Yeah, and I don't know about your training. I'll just put a caveat with mine and then you can add how this lands for you. But in the the activity of punching a bag, it's so important when you're angry with yourself that in those moments, you're actually not entertaining.
your voices of harsh judgment. You're really using the movement to get through the anger, but you're not putting a target such as yourself or your body. No, definitely. Yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah. umI mean, yeah, I haven't done like a kickboxing class in a long timeum but it's so good, right? Like, it's so good.
Yeah, but it's definitely, yeah, it's definitely not targeting yourself, but it's just, just having an outlet, just having an outlet of like, wanting just to kind of move that energy. So rather than that energy, like staying inside and being all pent up, it's just like, Whether it's like hitting a pillow, hitting a punching bag, , running, , and just like, you know, running really hard on, , the concrete, just all of that I think is, you know, just to feel that, that impact, is important just to be able to, let it out.
But yes, definitely so important to then not allow it to be targeting, you know, you or targeting even somebody else as well. Right. Just be able to, again, to move that energy out. Yeah. Thank you. I always like to clarify with people because I see personally things on tick tock or Instagram. I'm like, yeah, no, that's using anger in a, in a way that actually is not helpful.
So I love movement and just echo. Yes, yes, yes. What you're saying. So well, is there anything else that you. Would want people to know are there any other specific movements pelvic floor stuff or anything? I know we're not asking for physical therapy advice here But anything that you feel like would be helpful Yeah, I mean I think in in respect to like the touch, you know that I mentioned so So like just having the touch, you know at the womb umI think sometimes it can also just like finding that connection as well.
So it's the same thing at the pelvic level, so with the pelvic muscles. And so, just to share, you know, after I lost Rocco, , and like I mentioned, I was just focusing on other things, I ended up developing some pelvic pain. And this is before I became a PT, or even like knew what pelvic pain was.
And soum I would have this really bad, debilitating pain where it just would stop me in my tracks, you know, I'd be, like, grocery shopping, and then, like, it would seize me up, like, I would have to lie downum and it was just this, like, it was just this tightening, it was this tension that was there, and it wasn't untilum You know, months later, my husband, has, some friends who are body workers and, I was at a, music drum camp that he was doing, and so I was having pain, and so she put her hands on me again, and she didn't do anything internal, but it was just like, just to be able toum even have some work done on my pelvis was, again, really, really helpful, and it helped me to realize like, wow, a lot of this pelvic pain that I'm having is manifesting because I have not been addressing my grief, and now like my pelvic, it's like 10 percent like it's been reduced at least 90%.
It definitely comes up, when I'm under stress. umI noticed when it comes out, but again, it's been like 11 years and it's been like ebb and flow, like on and off. And I will need to do, manual therapy work on my pelvic floor muscles. And so, yeah, I guess, working on the womb, I think, is important.
umbut then also addressing that tension, again, like, grief will show up in lots of different ways. And so it might be, that the chest is really tight, from not allowing yourself to cry. And so then that will show up with, like, a really tight diaphragm, you know, or a rib cage that doesn't move really well. Or even just like tension through the core, tension through the pelvic floor musclesum you know, so pain has a way of manifesting, based on what isn't allowed to manifest, like, whether it's like grief or just being able to verbalize, or to mourn openly. And so that, that was really big for me. So I think, and, it's also a way of being able to establish connection to that part of my body. umespecially because that was where I birthed, him. Yes. And so that can also feel very fearful to like want to even touch that area.
So, I'm a huge advocate of You should be able to touch your pelvic floor. You should be able to touch your vulva. You should feel comfortable inserting your finger into your vagina and just like assessing and noticing what's going on with your muscles, noticing where if, or if you are feeling tension, and it's always going to change like day to day, depending on, have you been moving a lot?
Have you not been moving a lot? umare you having a really stressful day? Are you grieving something, , are you happy, , and things are going well in your life, that will show up in your muscles. It'll show up in your tissues. And so being able to have some level of connection with that, I think, is so important.
umso I would say like, I mean, like, that's like a baseline. Because like, then when I have patients come in and then they realize like, Oh, I didn't realize I had this tension. It's like, well, do you even know like what your baseline is? Do you know where you're starting from? You know, and if you don't know where you're starting from, then it's really hard for you to say or to see like where it is.
That you want to get to, you know, or to be able to see like, okay, that yes, you are making progress and whatever it is. So I would say that that like is such a huge, huge piece. umI would, and then the last thing that I would want to say is I think community is also another really big thing. umcause grief, especially with loss, pregnancy loss can be really, really isolating.
umespecially if you've had several losses, then it's like. Do my parents really want to hear about this? Do my parents, does my husband really want to hear me like, you know, talk about Rocco or about Santos or about like how I'm still not able to get pregnant again. umso I think community is just so, so important.
umand I think because we're, a lot of us are so afraid to talk about our losses because society doesn't allow us, you know, in a way or Isn't comfortable to be able to like, Hey, let's just talk about grief. And I'm like, and like, then this is even just like a bigger picture. It's like, not even just about like pregnancy loss, but just grief of like losing your parents, grief of a divorce, grief of anything societal, climate change, like there's a lot of grief in this world and we don't honor, we don't sit with it.
We don't honor it. And so being able to be in community and to be able to talk about it, you know, talk about those feelings to find ways that we can support each other to sit in the grief, I think is so important. And it's something we don't do a lot of. umand so because of that, you know, and I felt like that was what I needed.
I needed a group of people to sit with, to be able to talk to, to feel connection with, to make sure that I'm being heardum to Figure out tools to learn how to be resilient because I had to figure a lot of this stuff out myself So I've you know been wanting to figure out like how can I do this? And so I finally decided like I'm gonna do a retreat.
I'm gonna like host a retreat on pregnancy loss And so I'm really excited, you know, I'm hosting my first one next year in May And so I'm hoping that this will be the first of many that you know, I will offer , there aren't, like, especially if you, , just, Google retreats, you know, around pregnancy loss, there's one other, you know, group that I know it's doing, doing something like that, but there aren't.
And I think, like, even if you've had a loss, like, 10 years ago, that still lives with you. 20 years ago, it still lives with you. It's not gone. But again, like, just, you know, grief shows up in lots of different ways if it's not addressed.
it doesn't go away. And so I think it's important to be able to have tools to be able to, you knowum address it and to work with it and to befriend grief. You know, I think that that's important rather than have it be something you want to try to get rid of. So I'm hoping thatum this retreatum will be able to help to hold that space and to be able toum offer that for folks.
I love that you're doing a retreat. Community is so powerful. It's so important and grief will find you and if grief comes up, it's not one of those emotions that we deal with on our own. We are created to bring it into relationship whenever it comes up, even if it doesn't make sense that it's coming up in this moment.
And so I just love that. And I love, it's so beautiful. How you, when your pain shows up, like I just hear you tending to it rather than getting the harsh judge of why are you here? And I'm sure, you know, like all of us, you can have moments like that, but just your posture is so beautiful in terms of just wanting to tend to what is showing up and rather than again kind of fighting against that.
So it's so great. Well, as we're coming to a close, is there anything else you want to share and thenum definitely share with people how they can get a hold of you. Yeah, I thinkum I think that's everything. Yeah, so I'm, I'm practicing out ofum Oakland, so anywhere aroundum like, Bay Area, San Francisco, South Bay, Contra Costa County, stuff like that.
umso I offer home visits as well, too. Yes, I work as a physical therapist, so, I offer any of those services. umI do Closing the Bones ceremonies as well too, so that's a beautiful indigenous practice. umthat's usually, for postpartum, but also like if you've had a pregnancy loss, you're in postpartum.
So I think like to be able to still care for yourself as if like you're postpartum I think is important so that you are being nourished, you are being cared for, you're being held. umso the Closing the Bones ceremony is really beautiful for that. And then I offer virtual visits as well too.
Yeah, and then this, I mean, the retreat is, this is gonna be a big thing. I'm hoping for it to be more, because I want to be able to offer more of this, and so I'm hoping that that will... ummake up, a lot ofum the work that I'm doing the next couple of years.
umso I'm not just doing one on one, treatment, but I love the group, group setting and being in, being able to be in a beautiful space and to share things with, people. So, yeah. Yeah. I looked at the agenda. It looks so marvelous, lots of moving and I saw you were doing drum circle and things like that.
So this is all going to be in the show notes, but can you remind me what your website is so people know where to find you? Absolutely.
Yeah. It'sum selfcare physio. Soum it's physio. com. So you can find me there. umI'm on Instagram, not as active, but you can find meum at selfcare physio. umyeah, and then, yeah, and then my email address is easy. It's just tia at selfcarephysio. com. So those areum all great places to find me. umif you are interested in booking an appointment, you can also just do that through my website as well, too.
umI'd love to be able to, you know, connect with folks and just see if I can help, or at least be able to offer resources. So if you're not, , local to, , California or the area to be able to find like otherum , respectiveum PTs or, therapists who offer something similar to what I do.
I love that. Thank you so much. I so appreciate you sharing your story and helping people feel less alone. Many blessings to you on your journey to add to your family. And it really has been a joy to get to know you today. Oh, thank you so much, Kimber. Thanks for having me.
You're so welcome.