Bonus: Social Media and Mental Health with Guests Eden and Elisha Del Valle
In this episode, Dr. Kimber takes a look at social media and mental health, particularly through the teen perspective, with two special guests: Eden and Elisha Del Valle!
Eden, a college sophomore, and Elisha, a high school freshman, share their opinions, insights, and the platforms they use on social media as they navigate their teen years, build social circles, and work to create healthy habits around social media use and technology in general.
Key moments include:
01:23 – Eden and Elisha share what social platforms they belong to and reasons for deleting some social apps on their phones.
03:13 - Elisha shares how he connected with people online before having a phone and without having to rely on social media.
04:35 - The parameters Eden set to regulate social media use and signs that she identifies as unhealthy use of social media.
06:57 – How parents intervened and/or actions they took that became Eden and Elisha’s foundation for building habits that regulate social media use.
10:30 – Winding down activities after using social media or technology.
11:27 - What seems to be a common mental health concern with social media among your friends?
13:39 - As a teenager, what would you like to say to parents about social media use?
16:45 – How do you regulate sleep despite easy access to technology and social media?
18:08 – Eden and Elisha’s message to their peers as they develop good lifestyle habits and how they overcome FOMO.
Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional. This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.
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This transcript was created by A.I. — please forgive translation mistakes.
Social Media
Kimber: I am so grateful that you are here today for another episode, we are shifting gears. Know that social media is a hot topic in the mental health world. And I thought I might as well interview my kids to find out what their thoughts are.
So I have Eden and Elisha with me and they are going to introduce themselves, take it away.
Eden: My name is Eden and I am going to be a sophomore in college.
Elisha: Hi, my name is Elisha. I'm going into, I'm gonna be a freshman this year in high school. High school. Yeah, fantastic. Great. Well, we wanna talk about social media.
Kimber: What are the devices that you use?
Eden: I use my phone. For probably all of my social media. I have Instagram, Snapchat. I used to have TikTok.
Kimber: Why don't you have TikTok?
Eden: Because I deleted it.
Kimber: what was your reason for deleting TikTok?
Eden: My reason was because. It takes up too much time that I could be doing other things. So I found myself getting super distracted instead of doing my homework.
Kimber: Got it. And it's too easy to go down. Just the, the rabbit hole, the rabbit hole of TikTok. Yeah. I'm curious why you deleted TikTok over Instagram and Snapchat. Any reason.
Eden: I feel like TikTok is just, just scrolling. I guess that's Instagram too, but Instagram feels more social and I've had it longer. So I wasn't really getting the super social part on TikTok. I didn't post any videos or anything. I would just scroll through. Got it. And it was just those videos and it wasn't seeing what my friends are doing or something like that.
Kimber: Okay. Makes sense. How about you Elisha?
Elisha: So I I mainly use social media on my phone now. So I really only have like three social medias. I use Instagram, Snapchat, and then also discord mm-hmm . I mainly use my discord on my computer, but I still have it on my phone.
Kimber: And you just got a phone? Yeah. You have not had a phone. You haven't had a flip phone. You haven't had anything. Yeah. That allowed you to call anybody else until now. What did you do to connect with people? Online.
Elisha: Oh, be before that. Yes. Well, I mainly couldn't so there's that? But I did have discord, so I did connect with a couple of people. And then yeah, that was the main way I would connect. And I, how did you connect with them? Discord? Yeah, through discord. And I made quite a few online friends. and we connected through discord.
Kimber: Okay. And you had an iPad. So I'm gonna assume that you made your own choices around not downloading apps on that for socializing. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah.
Elisha: I didn't have Snapchat on my iPad, but you had Instagram? Yeah, I did have Instagram, but I would mainly just ask people to send me their pictures. in those from there.
Kimber: And was there a reason you made a choice to not get on with your iPad what were your thoughts about that?
Elisha: I don't know. I just kind of accessibility was probably a big reason because like, I. You can't really like take pictures, especially with Snapchat, which, where it's basically just taking a picture, adding texts and stuff. You can't really do that with the mobile very easily. That is. And so it was kind of just like accessibility.
Kimber: And for you, Eden, we have not, as your parents overseen your social media use for several years now, how do you put parameters on it? You've told us a little bit about deleting TikTok, but how do you approach social media?
Eden: I think there I've deleted my social medias a few times, especially during quarantine. I think I was using them in unhealthy ways. So just making sure that's not taking up too much of my time.
Kimber: What are the signs that it's unhealthy for you? What, what are those parameters that you look for?
Eden: Well, it's, if it's like causing me to be like unhappy and like, or like with Instagram, like comparing myself to others, like inputting unrealistic standard. On myself then it's like, oh, that, that that's not good time to delete it. It's not worth it.
Kimber: Any other signs that contributed to feeling unhappy besides comparing yourself to other people?
Eden: Not, not that I can think of. I mean, I guess if I was like looking for. Social interaction, like during quarantine through social media, like that's not fulfilling in any way.
Kimber: And what about now? How do you interact with your friends? Is it more through social media? Is it in different ways?
Eden: Well, I try to, hang out with people more than anything, obviously, cuz like that's the best, but with my closer friends. I FaceTime them cuz I'm home from college right now. Obviously I can't see them and sing the ones that I would like FaceTime during college. So just staying off my phone as much as possible, but
Kimber: I like that. I think FaceTime can be so helpful because you are actually getting the oxytocins that we, that happen in your brain when you feel seen, but it's a face to face thing that needs to happen. Right. So you definitely can't get that. Neurotransmitter boost if you're only texting with one another, right? Yeah. So one of the things that I thought would be interesting to talk about is how we managed your social media. This is mainly, I mean, it applies to both of you, but Eden you're of course older.
What did we do? And was it helpful to help you make your own practices and standards now that we don't really monitor your. Well, you guys like made me put my phone up at night. So like in middle school, mm-hmm, probably a part of high school. And so getting in the habit of getting off your phone in general is really helpful, cuz it can be super tempting to stay on it before going to bed.
Kimber and Eden: I think that was really, and I guess like knowing the people that follow you. Mm. Tell me more about that. Well, you guys just, just had us do that for like safety reasons, I guess. I don't know. Mm-hmm right. And do you feel like that was important or was it a big deal? I, I never really had like a problem.
So it could be because of that. Mm-hmm so maybe there could have been one if I, but so I guess we'll never really know, but that's true. That's true. But I guess the moral of the story is you never did have a problem just simply because you knew all the people who followed you at least. Yeah. Do you still do that now or do you have a public account?
Eden: It's not public. No. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know every. Involves me. Okay. It's a lot of people.
Kimber: How about you? Elisha? I know that you're, you're like it's provoking envy that Eden had a phone in junior high and I didn't we do, as your parents have reasons for that, given you do a lot more gaming on your computer, there were a lot of other. Factors that we needed to help you make good decisions about that contributed to the phone decision.
But what have we done? Have you found it helpful as you approach your phone? You have had an iPad for several years now. So you've had some device monitoring, I guess.
Elisha: I don't know. I guess once again, going back to accessibility, no, it was kind of like really inconvenient to get on like social media on my iPad and stuff. Mm-hmm so I never really got into the habit of just looking at it day in day like day in and day out. Yeah. And so now that I've transitioned into using a phone, that habit kind of still sticks where I'm not using it a ton, I'm kind of just using it. If I'm like checking DMS or just posting like a story
Kimber: and what, I know that we've talked about you and I some of the texting. Or communicating with friends kind of before sleep and trying to determine, when you shut that down, what's helpful for sleep.
What conversations really impact getting to sleep? What have you learned about some of those things?
Elisha: I don't know, I'm, I'm kind of like a night thinker. Like I'll think a lot at night which is really bad for my sleep, but I like to think about conversations and just ponder stuff. Okay. So, yeah, I don't could you reiterate the question?
Kimber: Well, do you think, you know, for us, we're like, Hey, you need to be off your technology about an hour before.
I know there was a period where you could text and we weren't as monitoring it up until like 10 30. And it seems like you learned a few lessons maybe because. Value sleep that, Hey, if I'm talking and texting, it's much harder to get to sleep at night than if I shut that down earlier in the evening.
Elisha: Well I guess it goes back to inconvenience and just like accessibility basically. Then I didn't really have very many people's numbers of my, like, Personal friends, but I did have, you know, I was in a pretty big discord server with a ton of my online friends. And so they were all in a most of them were in a farther time zone. So they were like one to, mainly two to three hours ahead of me.
And so most of them were asleep. Were a couple that weren't, but most for the most part, they were asleep. And so I've I've kind of gone into a habit, whether that's for good or for bad to just like read like web comics before I go to sleep as and like a transition stage to just wind down.
Kimber: What do you both see as Kind of mental health issues related to social media in your peer groups, the people that you're around
go first. Well I think there used to be a lot more depression happening. From my age group, but I think there's been like a huge shift of mental health on social media platforms. But I mean, I still think it's there, but I think like we're moving in the right direction. But I think some people still like try to get the social interaction from social media.
And like you said, like it doesn't give you the oxytocin. So. It's I think it's still a problem and a lot of people are using a lot of their time on it. And I think also TikTok is so big right now, but I also think it can be a big problem because of how long people spend on it. Mm-hmm.
Elisha: Yeah, I don't really see it a ton or either I don't see it, or I don't notice it a ton in my social groups, but well actually that's not true. In my online groups, we had a couple of people who ended up Leaving discord. Because they were having a lot of mental health issues. They were starting to develop depression and yeah. Mm. But it's mainly just addiction, which is the main thing I see. Like they just cannot get off phones. Like kind of what you guys were saying.
They'll be posting stuff on social media, not getting fulfilled when there's people right there who they can talk to and be fulfilled with. I don't think it's a bad thing to you know, share a story or something. Every now and then even if you wanna do it a lot, do it a lot, but I think it gets to a point where it's kind of a problem and more of an addiction when you're sacrificing time with others to be on social media.
Kimber: Mm that's a good point kind of isolating when you have peers or family around that you could connect with. Well, what would you say to parents who have children who are starting out on social media and maybe Eden being older what would you say of two parents of teens?
Eden: Well, I think like, don't let your kid get social media for a long time. I mean, like, I think it's. It is a way to connect with others in a way, there's a limit to that. But yeah, I think I got social media in like sixth or seventh grade, so, which was fine, but I would just say like, make sure that they're not spending your kids, aren't spending too much time on their phones because it can be kind of a loop of.
Becoming depressed or just feeling really sad and not happy with yourself. Mm-hmm and then like trying to fulfill yourself with social media, like posting yourself to look a certain way or yeah, all that stuff. It's just a cycle. Cuz you don't get fulfilled by it. So making sure that your kids aren't falling into that is really important and that they're maintaining friendships outside of social media.
Cuz if they're not then their kids be like a problem there but also just putting limits. Yeah. To make sure they're not getting addicted cuz it's it can be pretty easy too.
Kimber: Yeah. And it sounds like for you yay us. That getting your phone out of your room at night was helpful, but when you didn't have the capacity to make that decision for yourself.
Yeah, it was helpful. Nice.
How about you, Elisha? Do you have any, how, how do you feel you, you probably. Are maybe one of the only ones in your entire I should say eighth grade class who did not have a phone because oh yeah. Percent . So what was it like?
It really, really sucked not having a phone. I I don't think I went to a single. Well, I, I think I, yeah, I don't think I went to a single one of my friend's birthday parties or anything really. So that really sucked. Mm. Now I don't think that's totally true. I think it is complicated by you also were you spent some of your junior high years in quarantine and, but I hear you, you didn't get invited and didn't do a lot of socializing because you didn't have a phone. Yeah. that makes sense. So for you, you're like, Hey, ninth grade way too late. Yeah.
Eden: Well, having a phone is different than having social media. Yeah. Like you could have still had a phone without social media. Yeah. Yes. That's but even then you's you can get people's numbers and stuff. Yeah. That's not mm-hmm
Kimber: yeah, that's true. All right. So that's a mark against us. Any Other insights into what your habits are. I mean, how do you get to sleep again? You've had an iPad. We let you keep your iPad in your room. How do you have the self discipline to do your schoolwork and get to sleep on time? Those type of things?
Elisha: Well, for doing schoolwork, I just, I get home. That's the first thing I. Sometimes even before I eat though, I don't know how good that is. Especially after like a long day . But I kind of just prioritize getting that done and then I'll like get on my computer or, or even just read the most recent messages and the discord. So it's kind of like delayed gratification. Nice. But yeah. And then for getting to sleep I kind of just know the importance of sleep and I value it a lot.
But it, I mean, it's kind of hard when I'm. When I'm laying awake out, like one in the morning. And I know that I'm probably not gonna be able to fall asleep at another hour, but I'm like, do I wanna get on my iPad and risk it be longer? But I think it's, you have to realize, Hey boredom, is it so bad?
Just,
Kimber: yeah. Well, it's interesting that you say that because. Being on social media and not getting sleep is a huge crisis all over the United States, in college, there is a major crisis of people being on their phone at all hours or gaming at all hours. So what would you say to your peers?
What helps you develop good lifestyle habits?
Eden: I think it's important to try to stay off your phone when you're trying to go to sleep. And also when you wake up in the morning, just kind of, yeah. Not getting into the habit and if you're using your phone more than you should during studying, just trying to leave it outside the room somewhere, that's been helpful.
Kimber: How have you avoided sleeping with your phone and like leaving it on so that you can hear if someone contacted you, or like FOMO, like how do you overcome that?
Eden: Well, I think it's helpful because if me and my roommate are going to bed at the same time, then I have someone there.
And sometimes I turn around airplane mode or do not disturb. But I have a pretty loud fan that I put it next to. So I can't really hear the buzzing anyway. And yeah, so I put it at the end of my bed. And we, me and my roommate do like a meditation thing. So it kind of like signals, like it's time for bed
how did you overcome though? The fear of missing out? Like how, how do you, well, I mean, it's like. I don't know , I mean, I've stayed up many times. Like, I don't know if I'm the best example. I don't like go to bed. Well, of course.
Kimber: But I also see you as someone who's not sacrificing her grades or spiraling into anxiety because you have night after night. Stayed up and you haven't done your work. So I guess I'm curious, like how did you get to that place that you could make a decision to focus on? What kind of isn't that fun versus going out for fun or being your phone? Well, like studying with other people, like doing your work together. So you're not missing out.
because everyone's just doing their work. That sounds like a, a good practice. How about you, Elisha? What would you say? What would you say to your peers around being trapped on social media or even, I mean, you've been gaming for a long time.
Elisha: Yeah. You obviously get. Yeah. I don't, I don't really know. I know what you could do is you could just make it harder physically to get back on, make it a whole process, maybe I don't know, like unplug You're the, a power strip or something, and then unplug all the plugs, like make it actually a whole process. So that way your brain has time to think, Hey, is this?
Yeah. But yeah, I've never heard. That's a good idea. So if you are struggling with kind of sacrificing sleep or look like you're becoming. addictive in a way that's gonna impact your mental health. You unplug everything, including the power strip to make it hard for you to get back on so that you can think about if really you wanna do it.
Well, anything else? Any last minute? Comments you wanna make before we sign off? Well, if we go into another pandemic using social media is not a bad thing. I just wanna say that I made a ton of friends, which I'll probably be friends for a while online through well, I guess discord, I mean, I was, it was through another thing, but we connected through discord and yeah, so COVID was. Breeze. I actually enjoyed it. And I know a lot of people are like, no, we need we'd be missing social interactions, but I feel like I'm just able to be fulfilled.
Just talking or being on a voice call. It sounds like you all talk about things greater than just the game. Yeah. . I mean, of course we're, we'll be in a game and we'll be talking about it, but yeah, we just kind of talk about stuff.
Kimber: That sounds like a very lovely way to use discord is to make lifelong friends.
Well thank you all for being here. It is always a pleasure to have you along. Please sign up for my newsletter. At Dr. kimber.net. That's D R K I M B E r.net. It's called a moment of pause and it will be inspiring and give you some practical tips.
Take care and be well.