Bonus: About College Life Guests Eden and Paige on Roommate Sleep Routines and Choosing a Roommate
Today we are sitting down with my daughter, Eden and her roommate, Paige to dive into the dynamics of living with a roommate, specifically how you can protect your sleep quality while sharing a living space. Eden and Paige are freshmen in college, and they had the opportunity to choose each other as roommates. The process involved filling out a questionnaire, many of the questions were related to sleep habits.
In the episode today, Paige and Eden talk about how they have worked together to get the necessary rest for their busy college lives. They share their shared bedtime routines and how their sleep habits have evolved as they settle into college.
In This Episode
2:48 - Navigating your sleep routines with your roommate
4:29 - Creating a wind-down routine with your roommate
6:33 - Avoiding the dreaded all-nighter
9:05 - What do incoming freshmen need to know to get enough rest in the first year of college
12:14 - Kicking procrastination and developing better study habits
15:40 - What to do when roommates don’t fall asleep at the same time
Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional. This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.
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This transcript has been created using A.I. please excuse any missed words or incorrect grammar.
0:00:00.0 S1: Welcome to... I thought I was over this. I'm your host, Dr. Kimber, a licensed clinical psychologist, trauma healer, and fellow life journey or every episode, we dive into the science of human-ing, and whether you find yourself feeling like you've just had an iceberg and don't know where help is coming from, or you're ready to trade in your raft for something bigger. You aren't alone. Grab what you need. Get comfortable. And let's do this. Today, I have with me my daughter Eden and her roommate Paige, and we are going to dive into the dynamics of living with a roommate and working on your sleep. So I'm going let them introduce themselves.
0:00:50.9 S2: Hi, I'm Eden... And I'm Paige.
0:00:55.0 S1: They are freshmen in college, so one of the things that I thought was interesting as you were able to pick each other for roommates is your rogue questionnaire that actually had insight into how you sleep. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
0:01:13.1 S2: Okay, so basically, we got added to a group chat on Snapchat that have a Google Doc where we fill out 20 questions and within those questions, there were things like, what temperature do you like your room... What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up? What do you wanna use your room for? Things like that. Yeah, and then smaller things like, do you usually fall asleep to white noise, Are you a heavy sleeper, a light sleeper, and just like the Sleeping environment...
0:01:51.8 S1: That is fantastic. I love it. What did you find as you answered those questions, what stood out to you...
0:02:00.1 S2: I guess you kind of notice the little things, I cannot fall asleep without white noise and that would just be awful to have a mid that needs something else, like music or something that would just not go well together, so I think those are just important questions to ask before you move in. So yeah, thank for me is like lights, if there's someone who's planning on staying up really late and needs the lights on, I wouldn't be able to sleep until they're turned off, so just finding someone who had a similar sleep schedule as me or the same habits when it comes to light and noise and stuff.
0:02:38.0 S1: I love that both of you knew what you needed in order to sleep before you became roommates. I think that's really great. Can you tell me a little bit about your sleep routines, and I know talking to you beforehand, they've evolved, and so maybe just give us a little insight as to what you found works and doesn't work.
0:03:01.9 S2: Probably the thing that was the most effective was we were going to bed around 11 or 12, and we would meditate for about 10 minutes with Headspace, and then... We wake up every morning at 8 and go to breakfast. We still wake up every morning at 8, but the time that we get in to bed, it's just not as predictable anymore, what has impacted that... Just college life, social hours and stuff, and we tend to have a lot of homework, and so once we've finished that, it's hard to just go to bed when we want to socialize and hang out with our friends, so our sleeping routine when it comes to the morning and waking up definitely set that in place because we have similar class schedules, but when it comes to going to sleep at night, it's been harder to keep a consistent routine.
0:03:56.4 S1: And is there anything that you do to make it just even a little bit easier...
0:04:03.4 S2: Not Really, I think like making it so we both fall asleep around the same time and doing that meditation really helpful for following, say faster, but if one of us is already in bed than we can't really do the meditation... Right.
0:04:17.3 S1: If they're loses, that makes sense. And do you do anything before you get in bed to help you... Let your body know, Hey, we're gonna shift gears and go to sleep.
0:04:29.2 S2: We usually get ready for bed together, so for us, that usually looks like playing some like chill music and washing our face and brushing our teeth in the bathroom together... Nice. And then both of us keep a lot of pillows and blankets on our beds, so we have to kind of rearrange your room before we go to bed, so we have a similar and pretty consistent, like getting ready for bed routine that kind of winds us down for the night.
0:04:55.6 S1: I love it. As you change your music selection, what you would use for studying changes, as you let your body know, Hey, we're gonna go to sleep now. Yeah, exactly. Nice. How do you keep from pulling all nighters or do you...
0:05:16.3 S2: Well, I have pulled an all nighter accidentally, but what keeps me from doing that is being organized, so getting my homework done at a good time and bending it throughout the day, or even out throughout the week.
0:05:32.2 S1: And how do you practically plan it throughout the week.
0:05:34.8 S2: Just trying to get things done. A calendar is super helpful. I'm still getting into the habit of using it, but.
0:05:43.6 S1: So far, our listeners who don't use a calendar, how did you start doing that, what is it that you actually put into your calendar...
0:05:52.4 S2: Well, I've just been starting to put dates and stuff, because in college we just have a lot going on and there's all these events and stuff, deadlines that are super important, so just starting to put events and your calendar is super helpful so that eventually you'll be able to break down your day to what assignments you're doing though.
0:06:12.0 S1: When you say events, you're also including when something is due. Is that right? Okay. Yeah. Nice. And how do you accidentally pull an all-nighter...
0:06:21.3 S2: Well, it was just a social thing. We just kept talking.
0:06:28.6 S1: Nice. How about you, Paige? What do you do to keep from polling on lighters?
0:06:32.9 S2: I don't have the physical or mental capacity to pull an all-night or as it is, but when it comes to doing homework, I can tend to get carried away into the night when I feel like I'm on a role and so kind of the same thing, just staying organized and having an end goal, either a time like I am gonna put everything down at 11:30 or like an assignment, like once I finish literature, then I'll be done for the night, and just kind of setting goals that I can actually meet so that I can get a good night sleep.
0:07:03.4 S1: Love it. Do you have day time routines that help with sleep.
0:07:08.1 S2: Probably working out, somebody that will get you tired to are not even wanting to stay up late, some of our friends as are climbing three times a week. I like it, yeah, just staying active throughout the day so that it's easy to go to sleep and also breaking up our study periods and classes, 'cause we do a lot of sitting and reading, and so we also go for walks, just try to find ways to break up all of the studying and learning that we do.
0:07:37.0 S1: I love it. How do you navigate studying before a big test, like how do you keep yourself from being really anxious the night before so that you can actually get the sleep that you need.
0:07:49.1 S2: I think just accepting that you've done all that you can the night before, it's just kind of a big thing for me than just feeling confident in being prepared so that I got to live over it. Yeah, I think going off of that, after accepting that you've done all that you can, and then any other studying, especially late at night, isn't really going to help you anymore than you've already learned is just taking care of yourself. And for me personally, doing something, like getting ready for bed routine or meditation, just helps relax me and call me down so that I can sleep without...
0:08:27.6 S1: That makes me so happy Paige, you are giving a textbook answer without even knowing it, the science shows that if we allow ourselves seven hours, we actually prune our minds to identify What is the most important information that you've learned so that you could retrieve and do better on your test, if you gave yourself that sleep time, and so I love that you recognize that you're a little more anxious, and so you give yourself time to unwind, you plan that into your routine. That is so cool. What would you tell incoming freshmen, you may ask this another way, is there anything you would have said to yourself that first day coming on campus that you wish you would have known...
0:09:15.0 S2: Probably just stay organized. I think that it's easy to stress out and get overwhelmed by all of the workload, but it's definitely doable even, and I have a friend who tends to pull all nighters to get ahead, and her sleep schedule is just a mess, but if you just stay organized and kind of spread yourself out evenly, like it makes it a lot more doable and a lot easier to retain information and do well in school, and also you can't do well in school if you aren't doing well, like physically and mentally, and so getting sleep and taking care of yourself comes first, 'cause that's really a priority for doing well in your education...
0:09:58.0 S1: I love that. Would you add anything Eden?
0:10:00.9 S2: Yeah, I think just making routines is really helpful in building habits and even cutting out social time within those schedules is also important because college is like a big social thing too, it can be easy to get wrapped up in that instead of your homework.
0:10:19.7 S1: And so do you have any tips for someone who is gonna be prone to socialize versus study, 'cause I think that you all even have had some friends who've had to leave because they didn't make the grades.
0:10:33.8 S2: Yeah, it just takes discipline, you need to force yourself to maybe go somewhere to study it by yourself or have... Surround yourself with people who aren't going to be a distraction when you need to study. Yeah, I think that surrounding yourself with people who have the same goals as you was super helpful, even any... In a few of our friends usually set a timer for 25 minutes of studying without distraction, and then five minutes of free time, phone time, talking, whatever, and it's super helpful to have people to hold you accountable, we feel like we're less likely to distract ourselves if there's other people that we know we shouldn't distract while they're studying, so just finding a group of people who have the same values in studying as you Well...
0:11:23.6 S1: What a great tip. Is there anything that you would have done differently?
0:11:29.3 S2: Not really. I think even with the mistakes that we've made, like you just have to learn from them, and those are just important. Yeah, I don't think that I would have done differently. Maybe start the 25-minute system earlier. Yeah, I think that it's very trial and error, and I think that study and sleep patterns are just different for everyone, and so you kinda have to mess around with it until you find a routine that works well for you.
0:12:00.3 S1: What a great reminder to have a growth mindset is to be flexible and do trial and error to figure things out. So my last question is kind of... Well, actually, I have two. So one, what would you tell the procrastinator is out there, and even I know you and I at one point talked about how our anxiety levels have to be a certain height in order to be motivated to study, and for some procrastinator, they are used to running on such high adrenaline that they don't think they can start studying until their anxiety levels are that high, is there anything that you would tell them, because I know in your academic life, you became a reformed procrastinator and that you don't do that anymore.
0:12:48.8 S2: Well, I would argue that I still can fall into that procrastinating thing with certain projects like that are more long-term, and I'm like, Oh, I have a lot of time, like I'm fine. That stress level isn't there yet, for example, I have a group project right now that's due in six weeks, so I'm like, Oh, that's totally fine, but this thing about that is that you kinda do have to stress yourself out and be like, Well, if I don't get this start kind of early that it will become a huge thing, and kind of hearing for that insight level that recasting can get, just fearing that or just kind of... It's nice to not have the Hindi level. So trying to get to a place where you will have... It is really nice. Saying, Oh, if I get this done, then I can go hang out with friends.
0:13:43.4 S1: So you have two very important points there, one is holding in your mind the uncomfortable-ness of having that high anxiety can sometimes motivate you in the present, and then you're also saying you reward yourself when you actually follow through and plan early. So I love the positive reinforcement page. Do you have anything to add about procrastination?
0:14:08.9 S2: I think that I definitely get procrastinated often, and one thing that I've kind of come to accept is that that's just gonna happen, and it's like I can't get frustrated with myself over it, because that will lead to more procrastination installing. And so one thing that I've kind of started telling myself is like, It's okay to procrastinate, but maybe lean towards doing something productive, and so if I'm gonna procrastinate or put something off, instead I will make a list of all of the assignments that I need to do by the end of the week, or check my emails and reply back to people, or do something that I feel like is moving me in the right direction rather than just straight up stalling and just shifting my attention around rather than not doing anything at all. Wow.
0:15:02.4 S1: Those are two really good points. I hear the first one saying, Hey, if I'm gonna procrastinate, I'm gonna keep in check my internal judge and I'm not gonna let her or ask me about it. And two, I hear you saying that when you notice that you're procrastinating, you're gonna ask yourself to at least do something that will move you forward even if it's not... Doing that assignment. Yeah, exactly. So how do you navigate the lights on, I know you're saying for the most part, you get together, you get ready the same, but surely there are moments in time where there's gonna be a slightly different rhythm. And how do you navigate that?
0:15:47.7 S2: Sometimes I come back a little bit later and just kind of being respectful of one another, just trying to be... When you go in and turning off the lights to go to bed on your own is completely fine, or just the person that's coming in later, we'll just try to be more quiet and not strongly... It's like maybe you used posit or something.
0:16:10.4 S1: I like that. Is there anything paid you would add...
0:16:12.8 S2: I think that on top of that, the person sleeping, you kind of just have to adjust a little bit, we only have two lights in our dorm room, and one of them lights... Seen half of the room and one of them likes my half of the room. But they are pretty bright, so I think that it's just you have to adjust a little bit and understanding that we're not set up to have the most success is to... If we're gonna have different schedules, but we tend to just be quiet, having our White Noise definitely helps kind of ruffle any disturbances when someone else comes in, and then with the lights, we've kind of adjusted to falling asleep with one light on... If someone else is coming back later, or we just set things out for bed and just have everything prepared and use our phone flashlight to get ready and just again, just be as respectful as we can, but the person sleeping is also like... We both have a mutual understanding that things are the way that they are, and we can't do much about that, Wow.
0:17:17.5 S1: That's so profound that each of you has to make an adjustment for one another, and what an incredible life lesson is both the person coming in, being mindful of being quiet, the person who's doing the sleeping, being mindful to make space for the other... Coming in, Wow. It has been a delight to be with both of you, I really hope that you can encourage and help other college students navigate this very real making space for one another. I know roommate issues can be a profoundly difficult part of college, so thank you for being here.
0:17:57.4 S2: Thank you for teahouse. So welcome. Alright.
0:18:01.8 S1: Thanks for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on... I thought I was over this. If you haven't left a review. Please do so. Take care.