Bonus: Navigating Life with ADHD - Guest College Student Eden Del Valle
ADHD — it can have a big impact on someone’s life! From academics to self-esteem, relationships to sleep, the touch of ADHD goes far and wide. And while more has been learned about ADHD, especially over the last 10 years, it is still underdiagnosed in girls.
In today’s episode, I’m speaking with a very special guest — my daughter, Eden Del Valle, a current college sophomore who was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade. In our conversation, Eden shares about her experience navigating life with ADHD, and strategies, tips, and resources she has found useful along the way.
Eden shares her experience and what she has learned along the way, including how she came to be diagnosed, her symptoms with ADHD, her experience with medication and ADHD, and strategies she’s found useful to help support her in the day-to-day.
Eden shares what she’d love her 2nd and 3rd grade self to have known when she was struggling, as well as ideas and information to help family members who are supporting loved ones with ADHD.
Key moments include:
01:04 - Eden’s diagnosis of ADHD and a quick informational brief about the disorder.
03:21 - Eden shares her symptoms of ADHD.
05:33 - Eden elaborates on what her journey has been like and the side effects of pharmaceutical interventions to her life.
08:26 - What Eden would share with her 2nd-grade self.
13:30 - Eden shares the lifestyle changes she made to thrive in life and in school while navigating the ups and downs of ADHD.
15:40 - A deep dive on the benefits of calendaring and how it has helped Eden.
16:56 - Eden shares the effects of stimulants on her daily life and what strategies she has taken to combat it.
19:42 - Eden describes her life as a student with ADHD.
21:56 - What are the most common misconceptions about ADHD and what makes Eden take action?
24:53 - Eden’s tips on reading, being distracted, and other tasks that need focus.
26:44 - What would you want listeners to know about ADHD?
28:04 - How does Eden navigate tests that deal with enumerations, procedures, or steps?
31:03 - Eden’s message for individuals who are closely-related or know someone who has ADHD.
Resources Mentioned:
Headspace app: https://www.headspace.com/
Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional. This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.
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This transcript has been created using A.I. please excuse any missed words or incorrect grammar.
Welcome to... I thought I was over this. I'm your host. Dr. Kimber, a licensed clinical psychologist, trauma dealer and fellow life journey or every episode, we dive into the science of human-ing, whether you find yourself feeling like you've just had an iceberg and don't know where help is coming from, or you're ready to trade in your raft for something bigger. You aren't alone. Grab what you need. Get comfortable. And let's do this. Thank you so much for joining us today. I am so excited that I have my daughter Eden, joining us again. Today, we are going to dive into some ADHD because as our series has been in sleep, if you are taking some ADHD medicine, you may see that it impacts your sleep, so Eden introduce yourself. What do you want us to know?
0:01:05.2 S1: My name is Eden. I have been diagnosed with ADHD since third grade, I think. Yes, yeah, third grade. And I am now a sophomore in college...
0:01:20.6 S2: Yes. Well, fantastic. Well, I want to say as a psychologist just a little bit about ADHD in the last 10 years, ADHD is now covers distractabiity, which used to be called ADD, and everything is now under ADHD, one is just distract able, one is hyperactive. The other one is combined, so medically... Just 'cause it can be confusing. People are like, Well, I don't have the hyperactivity, they're all called ADHD now, and they are really under-diagnosed in girls, so you can definitely be very internally distracted, but not realize that you struggle with what happens with ADHD, which is a blood flow issue to your executive functioning, which is your Planning Center, your impulse control center, your decision-making Center, and ADHD can be very deceptive because it's called Attention Deficit Disorder, but really with ADHD it’s…. And I'm sure you'll get into this, you can't prioritize what to focus on, so you can focus on so many things, but the problem is it's not a deficit in attention, it's a hyper attention to all details with an inability to prioritize what's the most important thing. So why don't you dive into what your symptoms are that you recognize...
0:03:02.4 S2: I do want to say quickly, it is highly genetic, and so you have a double whammy, you have it on your mother's side, and you have it on your father's side, I personally don't have it, but I have brothers and I believe my father has it.
0:03:20.9 S1: Yes. Okay, so my symptoms are problems with paying attention, I would say I'm also not the most organized person. I also am impulsive. How does that show up? I think that shows up. Like school-wise. And someone tells me, Oh, let's go do this. I'm like, Okay, let's go. And making that decision instead of kind of thinking, Oh, should I really be going and doing this, or should I be doing my homework? Kind of like that, I don't have the hyperactivity, and my roommate claims that sometimes it seems like I am not there with you, so I will... On for a while. Yeah, so the day-dreaming aspect of ADHD... Yeah, maybe that's it, but I would say those are means and
0:04:30.7 S2: Has your journey been... What has your journey been like?
0:04:33.8 S1: My journey... Well, let's see, I was doing very well in school in second grade, in public school, and so after that year, I was home-schooled and diagnosed with ADHD in third grade, which has been, I think very helpful, because knowing I have ADHD has definitely impacted how I view school and how I do things like... I'm not stupid if I am missing small parts of a problem, so I took Adderall starting in middle school, I think, and then I kind of phased it out my freshman year because I didn't like being on medication, it didn't really like how it made me feel...
0:05:28.9 S2: Can you describe these side effects for you...
0:05:32.3 S1: Oh yeah, so my sarees from Adderall specifically were depression. I couldn't really sleep. So a little bit of insomnia. I think I will have some other hunger things, like I wouldn't get hungry and I would forget to eat, and so that would cause other things, but I just did not like being on the medication, but unfortunately the medication was extremely helpful to my focus... Yes.
0:06:01.9 S2: And as a parent, we did try some other non-stimulant interventions before we went to Adderall, which is a stimulant, and we have the privilege because of our insurance to go to a psychiatrist, and if any of you are struggling as a parent, I highly recommend you go to a psychiatrist versus your general practitioner, because they will be able to really think through options and help you adjust different kinds of medication. We did find a medication that worked better, but it wasn't covered by insurance, and even though I am in this field and know how to advocate, we kept getting denied. So that was disappointing, but it's a reality in our day and age of certain pharmaceutical companies have more clout and have an ability to get their medication paid for versus others, don't... That's part of the reality of being in the United States. So what do you wish that your third grade self would have known that she didn't know...
0:07:24.8 S1: Well, I think more like in second grade, I was just really struggling in school and not having a good explanation for that, it was hard because I was really excelling the year before and doing really well in school, so it was super confusing kind of... And I also had a terrible teacher and second grade, you had a main teacher, I wanna say, and we've had this validated by other people in your class, it was a psychologically threatening place to be, which did not help.
0:08:03.1 S2: But as your mom... It really broke my heart because I could see you going from a confidence student to an insecure student.
0:08:12.4 S1: Yeah, and I think kind of validating that because I can still see the effects of that second grade year, still today. I still kind of working through that.
0:08:27.6 S2: And how does it show up?
0:08:29.4 S1: Well, for that one, that one, was it more like a specifically... I guess it was just... As you were saying, the insecurity in a student, the shame in being wrong. It's okay, be wrong. But I didn't know that 'cause that's not what it felt like.
0:08:45.1 S2: Right, because your teacher really created a hostile environment, and I just want to say to any listener out there that has had a teacher be shaming, it can be a mark on your whole life of how you feel about learning. But if you know that this happened to you, you can change the story. You can change the narrative, and you don't have to be afraid of being wrong, but you want to know why your fear is there, which can be that you had a mean teacher who shames you for being wrong. Yeah, well, I know for us, we made the decision to homeschool you that next year because I couldn't figure out... And as your mom, I couldn't figure out what was going on, why you were struggling so much and why there were so much stress around school, and it just so happened that you had a new brother at that time, so I was home, not working full-time, I was working part-time, and so I was able to put together a scenario that we were able to kind of do a hybrid, you went to some classes and then you also just studied some subjects with us and...
0:10:02.1 S2: Myself and your dad. Yeah, so what do you wish that your middle school self would have known...
0:10:08.4 S1: I think that I wish... I kinda realized that overall was giving me depression later when I was on and off with it, I was forgetting to take it and stuff, and I would notice on the days and I took it, it felt different, and so having an explanation for not feeling like the best every day could have been nice. Yes, knowing all the effects of the medication would have been great, yeah.
0:10:41.8 S2: Because I don't know that everyone who takes it experience as depression, but for your body, that definitely happened. And one of the things this was positive about it, was that it did help you get organized in a way that I think you were able to get off of, you needed it, to know what it felt like to have focus and to not be distracted in order to then create this lifestyle as a student where you could thrive, does that feel fair for me to say it like that... Yeah, no, it was super nice to be on Adderall for the school part, I was doing very well in school, and so... And I think you said, I'm not stupid, which broke my heart when you said that, but I have had clients say that, and parents of students who finally are on it, they're like, Wow, my brain really works. Now, with that, I do wanna say there's other options besides medication, I think you should try other things before you go straight to stimulants.
0:11:56.6 S1: Yeah, there's definitely a reason why I stopped doing it in college, it would be super nice, like in a perfect world, I would be able to take the medication, but all the side effects... It just made it not worth it at all.
0:12:15.2 S2: So you have learned some things and made some lifestyle changes to help you as a student, can you tell us what those are, because I wanna be clear, you have been a very successful student...
0:12:27.4 S1: Thank you. Yeah, so I have tried to power through subjects and I end up taking so much more time if I just kinda stick with one subject at a time, so I have to switch it up, I change subjects whenever I just feel like I'm wandering and can't pay attention that doesn't always work if I have... If I'm procrastinating one thing that's tutor when I'm working on something else, that's like in a week, that's where that can be a problem, but I think switching subjects is really helpful for me, and also be intentional about giving myself breaks. I think that's super important, because even a six to 10 minute break is so helpful, like every 30 minutes. Nice. So yeah, I've done that. I've started with some people in college, which is like, Hit Eris, it really depends on who you're standing with, but I studied with a few friends who had a set system, and so they would literally take my phone if we were on a little section and we were so to working. So that was helpful, but something with other people... Definitely can be a distraction, for sure. And being organized, instead of getting myself to have the will power to do something, being intentional about my time, which is not something that I'm still definitely working on.
0:14:13.1 S1: But I noticed that I'm the most successful when I'm organized.
0:14:18.1 S2: And I know on the last podcast that you and page were on, which was the college life and sleeping with roommates episode, you mentioned that part of your organization is calendaring your time and learning what you need to do to get things done. Can you tell us a little bit more about that? Yeah.
0:14:40.5 S1: Well, I guess I have a panda Planner and it has all the time, and so that's been really helpful. And also, not only has the week and time schedule, it has the month thing, and so looking at what projects are happening and all of that...
0:15:09.0 S2: Yeah, that definitely answers. And we love the Weekly Panda planner. And I have to say for myself, every Sunday, I sit down and chart out my week, and I also love to put things in for my project during the month, and then I transfer what I have on my monthly calendar onto my weekly calendar. So back to you and sleep with ADHD, tell us about your timeline and how did you know that you were struggling with the stimulants connected with your ADHD. Well.
0:15:56.8 S1: I don't really... I think it was... Again, when I was taking it regularly, my freshman year of high school, okay, I think that's when I was taking it, I would forget to take it up. And so I definitely noticed that I wouldn't be able to sleep until 2 AM. We're just not good when you have to look up at 60, and so that's... I think doing that it's so frustrating, like laying in bed and your body is exhausted, but you just can't... Fellas. And so that's when I realized it was impacted by medicine, but even without medicine, I have had trouble sleeping in the past, because with ADHD now your mind can just like... I'm like, yeah, everywhere, and it's just like, oh, one, Please shut off like, Oh my goodness. But super helpful for me is to have white noise on, because if there's a sound in the house, then I'll be distracted like, Oh, we're away again, and we're thinking... Yes, we're still thinking. And so why not is super helpful, but I still could not fall asleep super quickly... Ever with medication, without medication.
0:17:17.4 S2: So you practice meditation sometimes. And how does that help you?
0:17:24.6 S1: I was helping my sleep, me and my roommate were meditating every night with Headspace, but this was before my pause episodes came out. Okay, yes, of course, it was the short. But it was just helpful to have a guide time to silence your mind and kind of have that routine that symbolizes
0:17:49.8 S2: Optima, and actually some studies out of the mind site Institute from UCLA, is that in... I think it's six to eight weeks, if you practice meditation for 12 minutes a day, it can have the same impact as taking medication for your ADHD. So if you have ADHD, highly recommend training your mind, start slow, two minutes, work up to 12 minutes, it is all about mind training, and it is possible for every human to do it. So back to being a student, do you sit any particular place in class, do you find you're distracted in some places over others, or is that something you let go of?
0:18:41.3 S1: I don't... I'm not super intentional. I think next year when I'm taking harder classes, 'cause this past year I was just taking quite a bit of gen eds, so when I really need to be super focused, I probably was set in the front... 'cause I feel like that is helpful. But I'm a very social person, so next to friends probably will be the greatest idea. I know, I definitely get distracted by people a lot of my classes, so
0:19:19.0 S2: I love that you know that about yourself, so that you can help that student part of you, so for yourself... So, ADHD can really impact your ability to be organized as you've said, including closing covers and drawers.
0:19:40.9 S1: I love it. I just said By choice… is it of the closet drawers are closed. If you ignore the rest of my unpacking from our tripped stuff, unfinished. Cleaning. Yes.
0:19:57.0 S2: Exactly. So part of it is done and part of it isn't, so when you do wanna organize your room, what helps you... What hinders you?
0:20:05.5 S1: Okay, I definitely need to have something going on, I can't just be focusing on getting my room... That is so boring. I like, I need some music, I need to show. Sometimes when I'm on the phone with my friends, clean my room, I need something else going on, so that cleaning my room is in the background, I love it, and so it's forcing myself... So much full power. I think what stops me is other projects, I'm like, Oh yeah, I'll do it later, and then I just don't do it later.
0:20:46.3 S2: So how do you... If you find yourself continuing to delay what actually is the tipping point to get you to show up and do it...
0:20:55.8 S1: I think if it's too bad and I'm realizing that my messy space is impacting my mental health, then I kind of clean, but this past year, rooming with page, it's super helpful because I'm also so aware that I'm sharing a space with someone that I clean quite often. But it's a small room, so it gets cluttered pretty quickly, but... Yeah, that was helpful. Good.
0:21:27.5 S2: Yeah, well, you mentioned one thing that I think is a misconception with people who actually have ADHD, and that is when something is boring, the blood flow in your brain, it is impacted because you have low blood flow in a place where some people can just push through the boredom, when you really have ADHD, it's a blood flow issue, and so it's not as if you can just push through it, get a grip, I'll pull up your boot straps, all of those things, and that it can be, I think, really shaming for someone who feels like there's something wrong with you. Right, and the other thing that I wanna say is that it's not always clear-cut. Unless you're possibly doing some of the spec scans at the Amen clinic, it's not always clear-cut what is causing some of the ADHD symptoms, because sometimes anxiety can look like ADHD, it can be very distracting, but it's a generalized anxiety that is really the problem, or there are issues with diet that certain bodies, it really impacts and can create ADHD symptoms, but I wanna be clear, these are not one... All things, you can't just change diet for somebody who has ADHD and magically distract ability ability to plan, state organized changes.
0:23:07.2 S2: And so I just want to normalize and as a community, just stop shaming one another when we can't do things that it seems like other people can do. Does that make sense? Am I making sense at all? Yes, yes. Okay, well, one of the struggles with a lot of my ADHD clients is reading, they're like, Oh no, I cannot sit and read a book, so... How do you work with that? What's your tips? I know sometimes it doesn't work, but how do you embrace reading because reading is so important to having open-mindedness and learning about other people.
0:23:52.6 S1: I have to read quickly or else like my mind starts wandering off and that my eyes are still scanning, but the words are not processing. And not at all.
0:24:05.7 S2: I love that tip though, because that's counter-intuitive, that actually you need to speed up rather than slow down if you're starting to day dream. Beautiful.
0:24:15.3 S1: Yeah, I can't let the thoughts creep in absolute. We're reading words, we're not thinking about other things right now, but also, I guess reading things that you're interested in, I've been trying to read a book on habits, which is interesting, but it's not something that I'm like, Oh my goodness, I'm so excited to keep turning the page, it's just more like educational, and my dad suggested to parent with something that I'm actually interested in reading, so that's something I'm going to try... It's not that I'm not interested in reading it, but I'm not excited to... It's not like a story type of thing, but I was getting in the habit of reading it right before bed, so it kind of was helpful, like learning a little bit, but also kind of being put to sleep by it, it's not like... Kind of a thriller. It's just a learning thing and then...
0:25:18.4 S2: Right, it's not stimulating your brain so that you have to keep turning the page and staying up all night to try to figure out what happened.
0:25:26.2 S1: Yeah, no, that...
0:25:28.2 S2: That makes sense. So any suggestions for somebody who is just starting out embracing their ADHD as a middle schooler, high schooler, college student, what would you want them to know?
0:25:44.6 S1: I think definitely try to solidify your practices in school early on so that you are successful and you learn how to be successful because you're not stupid, even when you make that little mistake... It can be super frustrating. I have been very frustrated with myself in the past for making small little mistakes and just trying to not be ashamed of it, it's not like something that should be looked down upon, and if you are able to embrace that, then it will inspire others to embrace it to instead of making it something to be ashamed about, and just to give an example, as somebody who kind of helped you develop habits, some of the little mistakes might be on a test, you forgot the third step, you got the first two, but didn't get...
0:26:47.3 S2: Oh, it was a three-part question. So then you missed points. So how do you help yourself? 'cause numerous steps can be a place where ADHD really struggled, so how do you do that? How do you help yourself? Do that now.
0:27:02.9 S1: I think like double-checking things, like you talk about the multiple part questions, maybe a under... Second part that I could possibly miss, write out like if there's ABC, then they'll like, write them out, so I'll make sure that I have to fill them in.
0:27:18.6 S2: I love that suggestion. So like you would put in A, B, C, and then on your answer, you would put in a BC to remind yourself that there's three parts... Is that what you're saying?
0:27:30.7 S1: Well, if that's in the question, but I guess normally if there wasn't a one... Well, that's normally how it's format anyway, but if not, then under Learning or highlighting, stuff like that, super helpful. I don't know what else? I think, yeah, just like double-checking things, if you finish tests early, definitely double-check or even when you're in the process, like doing things like multiple times, which can be super frustrating. I took Stats and that was probably the worst thing ever, because there's so many steps for one answer, and so that was just my nightmare.
0:28:15.8 S2: It was your naver, but you've totally succeeded at it, so if you can go back in the recesses of your mind, like what helped you.
0:28:25.5 S1: I think repetition and being so repetitive with our teacher assigned to a lot of homework, so it wasn't like... It wasn't like I wanted to do it, but it was super helpful for making you do it because I was repeating these steps so many times, it was almost difficult to make a mistake, and if the question looked wrong that I deal was recognized. So I guess trying to learn the material better than your peers, so you will kind of be able to avoid those little small mistakes.
0:29:02.7 S2: I love it. That's a great suggestion, and just I want to remind people that when we are in a testing situation, we have more anxiety, and so when you have ADHD, you already have lower blood flow going to your brain, if you're not on medication into the executive planning part of your brain, anxiety will also impact that part, so when we can practice being grounded, feeling your feet, momentary ways of helping reduce your anxiety can really help you be more successful in communicating what you already know in a test. So is there anything that we haven't covered that you would want people to know who are even friends of ADHD people or parents of ADHD students. What do you want people to know?
0:30:01.6 S1: I think actually being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD, people can get really frustrated because they might feel like ignored or just even if their partner with ADHD is forgetful, then they'll take it personally, so I think, honestly, just trying me patient with... In a relationship with someone, has HD and not take forgetfulness or kind of scattered mind or not being able to listen as well personally... Wow. And definitely bring these things like attention to your partner, but you can't take it personally, 'cause it's something that they're dealing with in their brain and it's not you... It's not you at all. I know it can be frustrating, but just kind of figuring out how to navigate those things, like reminding them, if you're going on a date or something, it's not just... Definitely don't try to take it personally
0:31:13.6 S2: At such great advice, and a real diamond in that suggestion is that you said... It's not that you don't... Okay, I'm gonna say a double negative, so that can get confusing, but I'll say it anyway, it's not that you can't have feelings about the forgetfulness or about the dis-tractability, it's about not taking it personally, that it's still okay to communicate maybe how it impacts you, but at the same time to realize it's not about you, so I think that's so powerful that I can still have feelings about it and share, but also wanting as the ADHD person to have a lot of grace towards your distract ability, I would imagine when you're... Especially in a social situation, like in a restaurant, there is so much stimulation going on... Isn't it hard? It's hard, you can lose... Because your mind wanders. I always knew I had an ADHD student in my office when my phone was on vibrate and it was in my purse, and it was in a drawer, I could not hear it, but if I had an ADHD student in my office, they would be like, What is that noise, what is that? So I was like, Okay, this is a good sign.
0:32:48.7 S2: We have some ADHD symptoms going on, so... Well, even it is always a pleasure, have you on our podcast, thank you so much for sharing. You're so welcome, thanks for sharing your journey with us, and I look forward to being able to tap into your wisdom again at a future episode. Thank you all for joining us. It's always a pleasure to have you. Taking us along, B will remember, you are a sacred being. Until next time.